This has been one of the most transformational moments of my healing journey. In fact, it occurred twice in a big way, so it seems like this just deepens and deepens. I am talking about the healing trap: trying to fix ourselves into healing.
When we start healing ourselves, we are often focused on what doesn’t work in our lives. That’s amazing, because we learn how to pinpoint problems we have previously ignored. We realize that our personality consists of many coping mechanisms that are unhelpful and keep us from what we want. We learn to dive deep and look for hidden emotions. We question everything we have learnt about ourselves: maybe it’s an unhealed aspect that needs to be healed? Our behaviour, thoughts, feelings, health… Everything is scrutinized.
At some point, our ego hijacks this healing practice. Looking for the hidden emotions becomes treading water and getting stuck in an endless loop of self-improvement, all the while sinking deeper down. Looking for the ‘leak’ in our boat becomes our obsession. What are we doing wrong now? In the process we heal tons of shit and throw a lot of water out… All of the self-healing does have an effect, don’t get me wrong. We get better and better. But the leak is still nowhere to be found. Because it isn’t there. It is the seeking itself that sinks us.
Our core concept of shame has created an egoic identity of being ‘good’ when we suppress, shame and basically abuse ourselves into being something else. And this very ego now hijacks the well-intentioned practice of self-healing.
I know you’re thinking now: I should stop doing this! If you’re anything like me, I was very ashamed when I discovered that I had fallen into this healing trap.
But we can’t prevent this. In fact, it is part of the healing process. It’s an important initiation into selflove.
We came here to experience love through the contrast of experiencing the opposite. So don’t beat yourself up that you’re not perfectly self-loving. You’re on the right path and exactly where you need to be.
That being said: realising this trap is mind-blowing. We zoom out. We realize *why* we have been pursuing the healing journey. For me it was: “if I heal myself, I will attract more money and finally get out of scarcity”. It was also: “if I heal myself, I will improve my point of attraction and get more friendships that feel good”.
And it Never. Fucking. Happened.
I grew so tired of it. So tired of healing myself to perfection, so I would finally be worthy enough, have the right vibration, be surrendered enough, free enough…
And maybe it’s the same for you.
Have you been frustrated, because it doesn’t work? You’re not alone!
At some point, desperation finally sinks our boat. And it gives our desire for healing that final push and we arrive at true healing.
The great paradox. To truly heal is to realise there is nothing to heal. We realize that are our core we have been good all along. We just believed that we weren’t, because we have been taught to believe this or we drew that conclusion ourselves. Our whole approach to healing changes. For me, healing isn’t a ‘practice’ anymore. It just happens during the day, when I’m present. I don’t go looking for it. Because everything that needs to be healed, will naturally arise. And then I have the tools to deal with it.
I have been SO ashamed of myself for most of my life. And I have, in turn, built so much self-love that I’m now flowing over and want to share this compassion & softness. I want to share all of my tools, so your mind can learn to surrender to the natural healing process, and know how to deal with it when it emerges.
Sometimes we might fall back into this pattern. This is normal: when we suffer, we want to end this naturally, so we do our very best, even if that means adopting this attitude of ‘fixing’ ourselves. Just centering back into self-love will give us the answers we need at that moment.
If you want to learn how you can find this self-love and use the heart in your healing process, and how to get out of this healing trap, check out my course Gentle Shadow Work. It is designed specifically to remedy these initiations on our healing journey, to keep the healing process gentle, soft and light.